still fat, still weird, still socially awkward

I would very like to write about how morose I am right now, but honestly it wouldn't achieve much except a slow slide for this blog back into all those damnable one-liners.

International Law is quite fun. In a weird way, so is singing Elliott Smith and feeling like an interpersonal failure.

Foodie 2 and essay dramz

Further to my last post, it appears that food is now taking over my life. I came home this afternoon knowing that I had a large quantity of chopped and nearly-rotten vegetables which needed cooking that very moment or else throwing away, and was thus cruelly forced to spend an hour of my life making a vegan-ish* Shepherd's Pie when all I really wanted to do was eat cold couscous and stress out over my essay... how is this even happening to me? It's like I've become some sort of... stereotypical woman, or something. I even realised that I was thinking of whether or not to go out tonight in terms of whether I would be finished cooking that evening. Fuck it.

At least the vegan-ish shepherd's pie is made now. And it looks pretty tasty. I emptied basically an entire thing of oregano into it, so it damn well better be tasty...

In other news, Descartes is killing me. Actually going to die of Descartes. I DON'T KNOOOW about this meditations shit and I need to write paragraphs with substance but I don't know what the substance is going to be so I just keep writing the first bit and then going on to the next one. And the final argument is just walking into a giant pitfall. Sigh. I want to go to the SSL and read all these International Law books like a real student, instead of just hanging around my bedroom all the time like a strange loser.

Now I have a blog, I can stop writing so many Facebook statuses. This is a start.

*Vegan-ish = it would be vegan if I'd got around to buying actual animal-free margarine yet. But I haven't.

Foodie

It has come to my attention that I am sliding very speedily down a slippery slope towards being a real live "foodie".

How this happened is slightly mysterious. I've spent 20 years of your life using kitchens for nothing more exciting than a simple pasta sauce. I cooked a total of 5 or 6 times on my gap year (restaurant food is SOOO GOOD and SOOO CHEAP in China). The biggest thing I made last year was a Mars Bar cheesecake. And yet, suddenly, I'm making meal plans and marinating foods. MARINATING. Incidentally, I did just look that up. Marinate is a verb, marinade a noun. I am officially marinating chicken in a tikka marinade. Oh, and when I say tikka marinade, I mean spices and juice I put into a bowl with chicken, not a bottle of stuff. I have also taken to buying beans and then SOAKING them and buying peanuts and SHELLING them in order to GRIND them in order to put them in a mixture with SPICES and make a food out of them... sure, that recipe was a slight disaster but the diagnosis remains the same. I am a foodie.

It gets worse. After getting back to the house at the beginning of this term, I decided to reorganise my stuff into one "small" corner of the cupboard. This small corner turned out, at the time, to be about a quarter of the cupboard that six of us officially share for putting non-refrigerated and non-canned foods in. Phased for but a second, I then went to Tesco's last week and ended up with another several bottles of different herbs and spices. Oh, and cider vinegar. And balsamic vinegar, and gram flour, and... you get the point. The point is that I have taken in a big way to Cooking, with a capital C. I have no idea how this happened, and I have no idea why other people don't do it, and therefore I am handling it in my usual gracious way of denying any sort of difficulty or oddity in the situation and just thinking other people are a bit pathetic for not being able to marinate food. (It's not actually that hard to marinate a food though. Just saying.)

This is, of course, going to get even faggier when my veganism kicks in for Lent, although I'm still cautiously optimistic about how well I'm going to cope with it. There are certainly plenty of recipes I can make, although it might descend into curry and potatoes by week 3... I cling to the hope that vegan chocolate will be awesome and tide me over.

What I learned at school today

Jonathan Bennett is FIT. Fit as. Not literally, as he's about 80, but philosophically the man is a god. I heart you, Jonny. If only I had the impetus to read your book for more than five minutes at a time. I wish I were determined this term that my notes will be clear ad detailed, but I just know this will only last two weeks. It takes a very long time to be detailed.

I am reclaiming this blog again from all the whining and one-line entries. That's why this entry will have at least two lines, as proved by this sentence (at least it was until I added some more stuff to the above paragraph). Ideally, I would like to write a blog where I chat lucidly and wittily about all those wacked out philosophical and political things that I tend to wax lyrical to confused housemates about, but I don't think that's ever realistically going to happen. Time and indolence make a fool of me where writing is concerned. Never mind.

I am, as always, tired of knowing better and the fact that people know I know better. For someone half as smart &c. Self-awareness be damned, I'll listen to my music through these fabulous speakers whenever the mood takes me.